BULLGARLINGTON

Award–Winning Author of The Full English, Death by Children, and The Beat Cop's Guide.

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KEEP CALM AND EAT BEANS!

Get the new travel memoir in which the author is trapped on a bus filled with death defying traveling elderly and their daily dose of environmentally hazardous gas for 15 days. Join Bull Garlington as he brings his highly religious mother to Stirling Castle where they are threatened by bespangled marital aids; listen to his [ATTORNEY] scream at him at the Cliffs of Moher; marvel with him at three in the morning collecting tart cards and dodging drunks on Tottenham Lane in Soho; watch in horror as he and his mother nearly burn down the only gay hotel on the Mersey.  Learn to Quaint!  Learn how to properly pronounce Edinburgh! Enjoy the only slightly biased review of a Mexican restaurant on the Royal Mile. And join him in his enduring, all consuming, furious hatred of his mortal enemy, the scourge of the Lullabus, the spinster of the Acheron: Mildred.

When Anthony Bourdain eats some really bad fish he has nightmares about encountering people like Garlington and his family on the road.  If Bill Bryson had killed Clark Griswold and taken his family to the U.K, this would be their book.  Part history, part food tour, part total embarrassment to America, this strangely charming log is everything one could ask for in a travel guide.

 

Ursula Bielski, author of Chicago Haunts,
Creepy Chicago,
and There's Something Under My Bed.

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Bull Garlington is an award-winning humorist and popular speaker.

 

In The Full English, author Bull Garlington leads his family on a hilarious, gassy trek through Great Britain–haunted by a daily breakfast of beans and menaced by his nemesis, Mildred. Garlington is an award-winning humorist. He lives in Chicago with his wife, whom he is legally bound to refer to as [My Attorney].

 

His most recent book, Death by Children, was a 2013 book of the year finalist for the Midwest Publishers Association, and the Indiefab 2013 Humor Book of the Year by the prestigious industry standard, Foreword Reviews.

 

Garlington’s features have appeared in newspapers and magazines across the nation since 1989; he won the Parenting Media Association’s Gold Award for best humor column in 2013, the Silver Award for best humor article in 2012, and the bronze in 2010. He is co-author of the popular foodie compendium, The Beat Cop’s Guide to Chicago Eats. His short stories have appeared in literary magazines, including Slab, Bathhouse, and The Dead Mule School of Southern Literature.

 

Bull is the impresario behind the wickedly exclusive underground supper club, Eating Vincent Price; a member of Chicago Writer's Association, Midwest Authors Association, Chicago Women in Publishing, and the Author's Guild. He is also a Past Master of ILAF&AM Lodge #1075, a Turtle, founder and conductor of the Weisse Ucke Singers, and founder and Emperor Emeritus Absurdum of the Greater Chicago Astrophysicists & Big Game Hunter's Music Appreciation Society.

 

Bull was born in Birmingham, AL. He is married to [ATTORNEY] with whom he has two children. They live in Chicago. Bull is the founder of Creative Writer PRO, a content company focused on humor and creative marketing.

Side splittingly, drink spittingly, pants peeingly fartnacular.

A  once in a lifetime trip through the U.K. in which our author is unable to remain awake, caned by the elderly, and asphyxiated by the noxious fumes of the eponymous breakfast. A book that is essentially the Odyssey—with more farting.  This is not a guide book. It isn't Fodor's or a Lonely Planet guide. God knows such literature would be quite helpful if you plan, like the author, to take your family on an epic journey. The Full English won't. Not even a little. It will teach you diddly squat about Jolly Olde England. Instead, it will lead you deeper and deeper into the author's pervasive bad attitude, arrogant disregard for the comfort of his fellow traveling companions, and a sense of humor which is best described, and we're being diplomatic here, as juvenile, puerile, egotistical, arrogant, narcissistic, and ever so slightly, just the teensy-weensiest bit culturally insensitive and perhaps borderline racist to Brits, Scots, Irish, Canadians, and the Japanese

Award winningly, pants poopingly, nose pickingly hilarious.

Edgy, rude, self-deprecating and—most importantly—hilarious, this collection of blog posts and columns from award-winning humorist Christopher “Bull” Garlington serves as uproarious evidence that fatherhood is hard, often messy, and always life-altering work. Where other parenting memoirs focus only on the diaper years,ᅠ Death by Childrenᅠ proves that a father’s job only gets more complicated as children move into adolescence and prepare to leave the nest. Parents—and dads in particular—will have no trouble recognizing their own daily struggles in the humorous and engaging anecdotes gathered in this book, including favorites "Happy Pulaski Day!" "Poison Control Poster Child Training," and "Raised by Google." (Sadly, out of print but still available from the author!)

Humor Book of the Year, Winner

2013
IndieFab

Humor Book of the Year, Finalist

2013
Midwest Independent Publisher's Association

Beat Coppity, Hot Doggity, No Ketchuppy Goodness.

Edgy, rude, self-deprecating and—most importantly—hilarious, this collection of blog posts and columns from award-winning humorist Christopher “Bull” Garlington serves as uproarious evidence that fatherhood is hard, often messy, and always life-altering work. Where other parenting memoirs focus only on the diaper years,ᅠ Death by Childrenᅠ proves that a father’s job only gets more complicated as children move into adolescence and prepare to leave the nest. Parents—and dads in particular—will have no trouble recognizing their own daily struggles in the humorous and engaging anecdotes gathered in this book, including favorites "Happy Pulaski Day!" "Poison Control Poster Child Training," and "Raised by Google." (Sadly, out of print but still available from the author!)

Mind blowingly, ass kickingly, inspirationally amusing.

Only available by request. What started as a personal writing tool for the author has turned into an underground success story, helping new and established writers ramp up their productivity, stay focused, and build a library of finished work. If you're serious about becoming a professional writer, this guide book will be your new favorite tool.